


just give it a try

by coralreefskim



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Bonding, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Japan Arc, azu helps him through it but! do keep it in mind, it's a lovely conversation until it isn't, there's an instance of zolf spiraling in this, they talk a bit about harrison cambell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coralreefskim/pseuds/coralreefskim
Summary: It’s the night before they leave when she hears the knock on her door. She opens it.“Zolf!” Azu smiles. “Hello, is there anything—”Zolf cuts in, voice raspy, “You said I could talk to you about— about Sasha?”He’s wringing his wrist while he says it. Azu takes in his red-rimmed eyes and thinks,Sasha. Oh, Zolf. She softens. “Of course.” She opens the door wider, stepping aside. “Do come in.”“Ah,” Zolf says. “I was thinking we could go to the coast?”ft. zolf, azu, and a talk about a lot of things.
Relationships: Azu & Zolf Smith
Comments: 19
Kudos: 58





	just give it a try

**Author's Note:**

> **blares both of you - steven universe**
> 
> had a lot of feelings about them

It’s the night before they leave when she hears the knock on her door. She opens it.

“Zolf!” Azu smiles. “Hello, is there anything—”

Zolf cuts in, voice raspy, “You said I could talk to you about— about Sasha?”

He’s wringing his wrist while he says it. Azu takes in his red-rimmed eyes and thinks, _Sasha. Oh, Zolf_. She softens. “Of course.” She opens the door wider, stepping aside. “Do come in.”

“Ah,” Zolf says. “I was thinking we could go to the coast?”

***

“You can see the lighthouse now,” Azu marvels.

Zolf hums, trudging down the rocks leading to the shore. His metal legs, curiously, don’t make a lot of noise. He turns, holding a hand out. “Do you need help getting down?”

“No,” she says, but takes his hand regardless. Her wooden clogs ( _geta_ , she thinks the innkeeper called it) still needed a bit to get used to, but as she steps onto the shore, she appreciates them now for the elevated base. After so many sandstorms in Cairo, she’d like the sand to keep out of her toes, thank you.

Zolf nods, and trudges on forward. Azu follows.

He stops just shy of the shoreline, waves lapping up dangerously close to his boots, and sits down. Azu can see how the damp sand immediately clings to his trousers, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

He pats the spot beside him, gesturing for her to sit down. “Come on,” he calls out.

This all feels strangely in reverse.

She rubs the sleeves of her _yukata_. The innkeeper had been gracious enough to lend some in favour of washing her clothes, and she’s greatly appreciative of it, but being out of her Kenyan robes after so long… she feels a bit out of her skin.

She sits.

“For an ex cleric of Poseidon,” Azu notes, “you sure do come down to the coast a lot.”

Zolf scoffs. “Yeah, well. Lotta history between me and the sea.” He stares off into the horizon, eyes lidding. Azu sees a sense of calm wash over him. “It ain’t just about me and Poseidon.”

“The navy,” Azu noted. “And the— the—”

“Pirates, yeah,” Zolf finishes for her. He laughs to himself, a low voice in his throat. It’d be soothing, if it weren’t for the bitterness laced within it. “Could say those were some of the best years of my life.” In a quieter voice, “Aside from all the, you know. Guilt.”

Azu hums. She turns to stare out into the sea. She’s not been around large bodies of water before— Cairo was a desert, Damascus had its issues with water shortage, and even back home in Kenya, she’d never strayed far from the mountains.

Guilt. “You seem to be carrying a lot of those,” she says. She lets out a long breath. “I think… I can understand that.”

She can imagine Zolf raising an eyebrow at her. She keeps her eyes trained at the lighthouse. She doesn’t think it’s meant to be lightless.

“Right,” he says slowly. Azu finds it almost amusing, how she can feel him contemplating. “Is it… because of Rome?”

“Partly,” she says quietly. “But also. Before that.”

“Ah,” Zolf says eloquently. “Right.” He clears his throat. “Do you want to, uh—”

“We’re not here to talk about me, though, are we?” Azu turns to him, trying to smile. Judging by his expression, she doesn’t succeed very well. Azu decides to blame the broken tusk. “You said you wanted to talk about Sasha.”

He squints at her. She thinks he’s considering how to carry on the conversation— it’s odd, Azu feels, that Zolf considers himself gruff. Blunt, maybe. But he cares about Sasha, he cares about Hamid, he cares about the little team they have right now, and he cares about the world. That care shines through him in everything he did, and everything he does. And right now, Azu thinks he cares about her too.

“Right,” Zolf says. He holds both his hands up. “Right, I won’t push it, but only because I’ve only known you for barely a month. But, _but_ , again, if you need to talk to anyone, about _anything at all_ —”

“You’ll be here,” Azu finishes for him. She thinks she succeeds smiling, this time. It does come easier. “I appreciate it, Zolf.”

A comfortable silence passes them. Azu closes her eyes, listening close to the short laps of the crashing waves, breathing in the scent of seasalt. Ultimately, she still favours the rustling of leaves, and the distant chittering of animals, but she can understand the appeal for Zolf.

“And,” Zolf pipes up.

Azu hums, noncommittally.

His face is completely serious when he says it. “That includes Harrison Cambell books.”

She barks out a laugh, mostly in surprise. “Of _course_ Harrison Cambell books! Aw, I’m still on Volume 34? 35? There’s so much!”

Zolf nods enthusiastically. “There is _so much_! That’s one of the good things about it!” 

“Gods, you’re right. Really, I’m just hoping the plot threads tie together nicely in the end.” She adjusts, turning to him fully. “If the love square doesn’t end in polyamory, I think I might cry.”

“Yes,” he says fervently. “They all have too much chemistry with each other to not, like— Hailey and Samantha?”

Azu holds a hand up for a high five. “Basically halfway in love with each other already.”

Zolf answers the high five. “Right? Right?”

“Right!” She chuckles, then sighs. She leans a cheek against her palm. “It’s a real shame Hamid doesn’t read them.”

He snorts, and settles, turning back to the sea. “Hamid doesn’t know taste if he was bashed over the head with it— I mean, have you seen him? That _ridiculous_ 3-piece suit, it’s been _that_ since literally 18 months ago when I first saw him!”

Azu purses her lips, trying not to laugh. “Well, I don’t think I’m in any position to judge—”

“That is all you needed to say. I know.” He snickers. “I _know_.”

She shoves him playfully, laughing. “That’s not very nice.”

He’s grinning when he shoves her back in kind. Then his eyes widen, as if he remembered something, and his eyebrows furrow.

Azu frowns. “Zolf?”

“Ah, nothing, just.” Azu can see him retracting himself. She doesn’t like it. “Met him once,” Zolf says quietly. “Harrison Cambell, I mean.”

“Oh!” Azu says.

He cringes. “On the airship. On the way to Prague.”

“Oh,” Azu says. “The one with the—”

“The part where I _left_ , yes,” he snaps.

She stares at him.

“Sorry, sorry, just,” he shakes his head, “wasn’t fair— _to you_ , sorry.”

She breathes. Slowly. “I assume you leaving is still… quite a sore subject, then.”

He snorts. “That’s one way to put it.” He picks up a small pebble beside him and throws it into the ocean. It doesn’t go very far. “Sasha met him first, actually.”

Azu tilts her head. “Oh? I didn’t know she was a fan.”

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. He starts wringing his wrist. “Don’t think she was a fan of romance in general, but. Well.” His voice goes softer. “People have always felt gravitated to her. Happened with the jailor in Dover. Happened with Barnes.” His hands still. “Happened with me.”

Azu hums. She can understand that — she felt it too. She thinks it happened with one of the blacksmiths in Damascus as well, how he immediately showed Sasha his stash of hidden weapons and gifted her an Adamantine dagger. And Wilde too, to an extent.

“Didn’t even know who he was,” Zolf mutters. “Still brought him a blanket and everything when he was hiding from Bertie.” He barks out a laugh full of bite. “Fucking _Bertie_.”

Azu couldn’t agree more.

“Hamid spoke a bit about the airship during…” Azu’s nose scrunched up. “During quarantine.”

“Hamid wasn’t there for most of it,” Zolf says bitterly. “He was off doing, _I don’t know_ , criticising my literary choices below deck. He wasn’t there during the actual _row_.” He pulls himself smaller. “Sasha was. I think that might be why she was so… understanding about the whole thing. About me leaving.”

Azu thinks of Barett. Of Sasha talking about running away. About choices.

“Had a sort of conversation about it in a brewery,” Zolf continues, “me and Sasha and Hamid. Hamid went on such a long tangent about— about doing good and trying to do good even if it screws everyone else over.” He scoffs. “Right.” Pause. “That wasn’t fair. He was trying, and I get that, but it’s. Well.”

“Hm.”

Silence. Azu waits for him to speak. The lapping waves don’t sound as comforting now.

“You know what the worst part was?” Zolf says, finally. “The worst part was — It was that she didn’t even sound angry. Just… resigned. Like she was already expecting it.”

Azu says quietly, “I… did get the impression. That she was used to people leaving.”

“Yeah,” he says. “ _Yeah_. Told her I’d be there for her. Told her to stick close to me. And then,” he laughs bitterly, “and then, a few days later, I just — leave. Just left. Just like that.”

She reaches out to touch his shoulder. “You’re not being fair to yourself—”

“No, no,” he pushes her hand away, “I know, alright? I know. Me staying would’ve torn the team apart, would’ve torn _me_ apart. I told you before, played it in my head already.” He makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, torn between a laugh and a sob. “But then, right, there’s the — the _stupid_ idea, that maybe, _just maybe_ , if I’d been there, things would’ve turned out different. For Sasha. For Hamid,” he says. "For his sister. Maybe if I’d been there, she wouldn't've— _yeah_ , and he wouldn’t’ve have gone through all of that. But it’s all _what if_ s, right? All— pointless rhetorics, and— and pointless speculation and _pointless_ —”

“Zolf, Zolf, look at me.” Her heart aches at the sight of hot tears streaming down his face. “Breathe. Breathe. Do you need me to count you down?”

He shakes his head, breathing heavily. His hands are clenched into tight fists, digging into the sand.

That’s not good. “Can I touch you?” Azu asks.

The question seems to catch him off guard. He looks at her for a moment, incredulous — Azu might laugh at how comical he looks if not for the current situation — and nods.

Carefully, she reaches out, making sure he can see her hands at all times. She holds his hands up between them, and, shifting more so she’s turned to him fully, she starts massaging his hands.

“Relax,” she says, when she feels crescents on his skin left by fingernails. “You’ll hurt yourself. Unclench.”

Zolf still looks confused, but he tries to anyway, breaths coming in at a slower natural pace. He’s still shaking.

She thinks. “Would you like a hug?”

“Ah,” his voice comes out raspy, “not right now. But, appreciate the offer.” He pulls his hands away, rubbing his eyes furiously. “Sorry, thought I was getting better at the whole— not crying deal.”

Azu frowns. “That can’t be good.”

He gestures vaguely with one hand, the other still wiping away his tears. “No, no, it’s— it’s not me pushing everything down.” He trains an unimpressed look at her. It’s not very effective. “And really, you of all people are in no place to judge.”

She purses her lips. “Fair. Still.”

“Surprised we’re not drunk for this.” He stops to consider. “Well. Surprised _I’m_ not drunk for this. Don’t know what it takes for you to spill your guts out.”

She chuckles. “We’ll see.”

“We will indeed. Gods.”

Azu lies down, sand be damned. She can barely see the stars, but she knows that by nightfall the sky will be full of them. She wonders if she’ll see the same ones from back in Kenya. It’s been a while since she’s been back home.

She feels Zolf lying down beside her.

“Were you thinking about the letter?” Azu says quietly. “When you said you wanted to talk?”

He sighs. It sounds like a weight’s been lifted from him. “Of course I was. I still am.” He laughs, voice low. “Didn’t really talk about her, though, did I? Went… way off from that.”

“You have a lot on your mind,” she points out. “That’s understandable.”

“Well,” he sighs more than says, “so do you.”

She doesn’t have anything to say to that. Or to say against that, for the matter. “Did it… help?” she asks instead.

The silence stretches. Oddly, Azu isn’t all that worried. She waits.

“I think so,” Zolf says. “I’m not sure.”

She hums. “Well. I think I’ll be here for a while, so if you want to talk more.”

Azu can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “sure.”

On her chest, the Heart of Aphrodite grows warm. Azu closes her eyes, and breathes.


End file.
